this isn't psychological, just a random thought that suddenly appear. so, im at my twenties and hoping to get married.. i already have a 4 years boyfriend so thats not an impossible talk. but, you know somehow you just cant trust your self too much and needed somebody's word to light you up. therefor i think that's a parents job, to make sure that their child has the light inside.
i need them to convince me, but.. i don't know they just shut the light, make it no room for hope. just blindness. i do love both of them but i feel like they don't even feel it. perhaps, they don't even know that my love for 'em are exist. i try my best, but it mean nothing in front of em. just.. it hurt me so much. why could you be nice and say i can do it. even tho i cant, believe me i know. i know my capability and capacity, i know my limit. isn't it your job to expanding my limit so that i can grow? why you just hold me before i even try.
this is such a shame, i really wishing my story is all about joy after all this pandemic shit but here we are right know. complaining. its so hard seeing only the good part in life. sometimes its just suddenly messed up by a tiny little trigger, like not listening.
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