My Life My Disaster

 To bad for a tittle kan? 

i know, i thought i am making the best decision for my life, turns out.. nothing is best for me i don't even know anymore which is which.

so, di 2023 ini gue married, wow bgt kan.. dan married life ga se-susah itu  pun gak segampang itu. sebenernya ini bukan masalah pernikahan gue sih wkwk but, sejak nikah jadi makin makin aja..

gaboleh kaya gini kan udah nikah, gaboleh gitu kan udah nikah, kok gitu sih kan udah nikah.. like, bitch? who tf are you

ya ampun gue ga ngerti lagi harus ngrtik apa. because it's me hi, i'm the problem is me.

today might be my last day at work cz i'm fired. again, gue udah siapin langkah pencegahan 1 2 3 dan what to do 1 2 3 for this so this isn't the issue. karna ini kerjaan super temporer yang gue tau gabakal lama. i quit my old job cz i dont think i belong there, si prinses kambing ini pride nya kemahalan jadi quit saat udah jadi kartap dari kantor yg ngasih banyak keringanan dan fasilitas. gue pindah ke tempat baru yang super temporer buat coba2. again ini ga ada urusannya sama kerjaan samsek

dan punya blog juga kaya percuma, ada orang yg bikin gue gabisa jujur didalam hidup gue sendiri. orang yang slowly but surely neken gue abis2an. but how on earth? orang itu juga yg nemenin keseharian gue dan support gue, jagain gue, rawat gue. only that person can make me feel like shit and shining pearl in a second. that freaking person yg bikin gue gabisa jujur sama diri sendiri karna kalo gue jujur berarti gue yg keterlaluan padahal dia udah ini itu segala macem, kalo gue jujur berati gue gak bersyukur lalala lilili, heh kampret. bukan karna you have nothing in mind berati gue juga harus have nothing in mind.

i hold this fucking feeling for a long time then you just blew it out of nowhere. terus salah gue? dan you dont want me to said all those word but still your attitude said otherwise. if being a wife means i should do all this shit. please I GIVE UP. being a woman its hard already, and being first born who carried all the burden isn't that easy. now this?? 

no.

i cannot have friends, i cannot go out, i cannot speak. ???? i cannot speak?? even in my own blog? with my own writing? and still i cannot speak, cz of you? your dignity. your image. dude, i'm done